It's not always easy but it's fun!

Every 40 seconds someone dies by suicide. Every 41 seconds someone else is left wondering why. I really like that statement. It's a picture banner on the AFSP website. At the same time, I really disagree with that statement. Yes, I do believe that every 40 seconds someone somewhere dies by suicide. However.... every 41 seconds after there is way more than one peson left wondering why. For Tony it began with my mom. Spread to me, my aunts, uncle, my stepmom, my neighbor who rescued my kids from my hysteria. It spread to all of Tony's friends in Maryland, and in Texas. It spread to their familes... and their friends. The question of why has spread through hundreds if not thousands of people. All spreading just from Tony's death. Not everyone is affected by the Why's... The What if's... The if Only's, as deeply as my family and I have. But it's a ripple effect. Each ripple reaches a few more people...but with a little bit less of the shock value.

     I recently attended the International Suicide Survivor Day. I learned a lot and I met some people who are going through the same thing. They are just in different stages than I am. Possibly a little further away from the time when they lost their loved one. Yet all with the same hole in their heart. The conference was in Midland and once a month they have a suicide support group. However they do not have childcare This brings me to my reason for writing this blog.

     I want to start a support group in Odessa. However, I want it to be a weekly thing on Thursday. I'm going to talk to the people at my church, Crossroads Fellowship, and see if I would be able to use a room there on campus. As well as the childcare. I recently completed a grief share class. It was a 6 week series on the journey through grief.Honestly It didn't help me at all. So I think that if I was able to offer a class specfic to suicide survivors. A class in Odessa, and a class with Childcare, that maybe it could help me... while helping others. So I'm asking for you to share this blog. Share it with your whole friend list. Ask them to share it, and to ask their friends to share it. I want to know if there is a need for a class in Odessa. If there is not a need for it, then I won't waste my time with creating an Odessa class. I will continue to go to the one in Midland and if there ever comes a time when we need one in Odessa... then I will try again to make it happen.
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      Having gone through this pain, I know I don't want anyone to feel like they are the only one going through it. Every 40 seconds someone dies by suicide. That's 90 people an hour. 2,160 people each and every day. Choose to end their own lives. Leave their friends and family asking why. Why now. Why didn't he see. Why didn't he reach out. I've kinda got an outline of how I want the first class to go, and the things I want to say. So I won't say much more here.

     I just ask one more time... In memory of my baby brother, Anthony Nicholas Beaman. Beloved son, brother, grandson, uncle, nephew, and friend. Born October 25th, 1990.... born and raised in El Paso, Texas. Graced the state of Maryland with his smile and wit for less than a year. Then died by suicide on October 1st, 2011. 20 years young, and only 24 days before his 21st birthday. We love you beatiful boy. We always did and we always will. <3