Young Love no matter what age...

New love is so much fun no matter what age you are. A good friend of mine, who is quite a bit older than I am who is in a new relationship. They haven't been together long but she is head over heels in love with him, and he is head over heels in love with her!! It is so amazing to watch their relationship grow, and I couldn't be happier for her. I smile just as big as she does every time she gets flowers from him. I feel my heart get warm from her stories of their dates/conversations. There's not many people I know who deserve this happiness more than her. It's just an all around awesome thing!

     Then there's my little brother, he has his first girlfriend. Her name is Alyson and so adorable. I haven't met her, only seen her picture on Facebook. She calls him like 15 times a day and it cracks me up!! I remember my first boyfriend and all the feelings that came with it. Josh wasn't my first love but I'll always remember him and he's just a good memory. I love that Keeghan has finally opened up and gotten over his shyness. I honestly never thought he'd have a girlfriend this young. I hope that when this relationship ends, as all/most do. I hope that I can be there for him, I hope he lets me be his rock and help him though his first heart break.

     Then there's me. I actually am in a relationship now. He's a really good guy, and turns out we went to OHS together. Now don't take me wrong, I'm not saying what we have is love already. It's just a lot of fun. He's so sweet to me. He's eager to meet the kids. Most of all he makes me smile. I get a text every morning, texts through out the day. Then in the evening if we can we hang out, if not we just talk/text. I'm trying to handle this relationship better than I have handled my past ones, because obviously those didn't work LOL! So far I'm very pleased with the way its going. I'm trying to not take it too fast. But I'm not draggin my feet either. I mean after all, I'm going to be 25 in a month an a half and I'm not getting any younger. Then there's the kid issue. Right now I'm 99.999999% sure I don't want another one. And that's why I have an IUD... for 10 years!! But if I end up with someone who doesn't have kids of their own then I want the option to be open. I don't wanna be so old that the choice to have another one isn't even there. Now Mom, Rhonda, April, Daddy and any other "elder" in my life... if you read this... I DON'T WANT ANOTHER BABY EVER!! But I may not feel that way if I meet the right person and that's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about ending up as a single mom to 3 little monsters, no thanks!!!


It's funny I didn't want a relationship, I wasn't looking for one, I wasn't lonely or sick of being single. But now that I'm with Jessie, I'm super happy that I am. And I'm excited to see where this goes. The awesome thing is I know that it's in God's hands. With that knowledge if it works out, it's what His plan is. If not, then He has other plans for me and that's ok. Because even though being a single mom isn't so easy, seems like being a single mom (with a boyfriend) is kinda fun! :)

I don't wanna do this wrong..

Not sure if who ever is reading this knows or not..but I was bullied in school. Almost every year until my sophomore year. I don't really have much to say about it other than... it sucked. It sucked really really bad. Well, my daughter started kindergarten this year. And it scares me so bad. I don't want her to go through what I went through each year. I don't want her to have days where she goes to the bathroom and cries because there's nothing else to do. I don't want her to feel like there's no where to turn. Like she doesn't fit in. Like she'll never fit in. This morning dropping Brooke off at school I saw a girl, she couldn't have been older than 4th grade. She was wearing FULL MAKE UP. She had eye shadow, and eye liner, blush, mascara, and even lip gloss. It just made me think of Brooke. I can't imagine allowing her to wear make up that young. I mean yeah, I let her wear show/cheer make up sometimes when she plays around but not on a daily basis. I just want to do this right. I don't want her to get made fun of because her mommy doesn't let her wear make up. Or wear hoochie momma clothes. I don't want people not to be her friend because she lives in an apartment. Or because I'm a single mom. I don't want people to look down on her because she wears clothes from Wal-Mart and Target and not A&F. It just so much to think about. Kids are so heartless and cruel. I want to raise my daughter to accept anyone and everyone. I want her to realize it's the inside not the outside that matters. That it's what the person has in the their heart and not what brand they have on their shoes. I guess maybe I think too much. But I know that my daughter will be 10X more likely to be a victim than my son. Girls are just so much more mean, and so much more sensitive. If Bryson is a little chunky in school, he's a good football lineman. If Brookie were to be chunky in school she's a fat kid. Or some other cruel name the kids come up with. I love both my kids with all my heart and I would do everything and anything to protect them. But the scariest thing is, there's absolutely nothing I can do to protect them from this kind of pain. I guess maybe I shouldn't worry about this stuff until they happen, if they happen. It's just as a mother your mind is always rushing to the future with your kids. I love you my sweet little Brooke Michelle, and my handsome little Bryson Kole. May God protect you and keep you in this crazy journey called life. :) It's not always easy, but it sure is fun!

5 years from now, and 10 years ago today......

     Have you ever been asked, Where will you/ Where do you want to be in 5 years?? It's kind of a silly question if you think about it. With the 10 year anniversary of the September 11th attack today it's kind of weird to think about it. 10 years ago I was a Freshman at Coronado High School, we had just finished the early morning practice with the band. A girl.... I don't remember her name, but if I saw her today I would know it was her. She was a flute player, she had long black hair and she came in and said. "The world is ending America is under attack in New York." I remember laughing, along with several other people. Thinking she was kidding. A few minutes later Mr. Capshaw, the band director came in and let us know, the horrific truth. She wasn't wrong, she wasn't kidding. The world may not have been ending but something had happened in New York City. He turned on the TV and we watch the smoke roll out of the 1st tower, as we were sitting there in the band hall trying to figure out what was going on....we heard the lady on the news in a panicked voice say there was another plane heading toward the 2nd tower. Within seconds of her saying that it hit... there was complete silence in the band hall, and I can only imagine all over the country. It all started coming together, we watched the news for the rest of the class. Then the bell rang. We each went on to our other classes, but I really don't think anybody did anything in any class that they went to. I can remember in each class we went to we watched the news unfold on the TV. Living in a border city, with an military base, several kids left early. The whole day was just so surreal. In between classes was eerily quiet. No one knew what to say, think or assume was going to happen next. If you had asked me that day....where do you see yourself in 5 years??? I can honestly say that don't know what I would've said. Maybe I would've replied with in college somewhere. Maybe with a long term boyfriend. Possible engaged, maybe even married. I really don't remember what my goals/dreams were at that time in my life. What I can tell you, is 5 years later, on September 11, 2006 I was a proud proud mommy of a beautiful 3 month old baby girl. I was trying to find my way through life, trying to figure out how I was gonna do this all by myself. Trying to decide how to integrate David and his other family into mine and Brooke's life. Another thing I can tell you, is 5 years from September 11, 2001.... I wasn't where I thought I would be. But I was a mommy and my life was amazing watching my daughter grow.
On September 11, 2006 if you had asked me, where do you see yourself in 5 years?? I would've probably said something involving Brooke being in kindergarten. Maybe I would've said I hoped I'd be married with another child. Or finished/finishing college. There's so many things I could've said that I wanted for my daughter and I. Yet today, on September 11, 2011 I'm at a place in life that I would've never in a million years guess I'd be. I'm a single mother of 2. Neither dad is really involved. I get less than 300 a month in child support, combined from both dads. I make less than $1,500 a month. My credit is shot, so I can't apply for a loan on a house, on a car on a vacation for my kids. But.... I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I wake up each day looking forward to another day with my babies. Another day at a job that I love. Another day to grow in my budding relationship with Jesus Christ. Most importantly, another day. I am so blessed in life in so many ways.
So where do I want to be 5 years from today??? Exactly where I am. In love with my children. In a job that I love. With friends and family that help me to be where I am each day. Maybe I'd like to be in a house rather than an apartment. It'd be nice to be a little more financially stable. I wouldn't be offended if I was in a stable and healthy relationship with a man who loves my children as his own. The best thing about today, and 5 years from today, is if nothing changed. I'd be ok. I am so happy with my life and everything in it. I look forward to every morning getting ready for school and work. I relish each day at work with friends, and the kids that are there so bring a smile to my face and warmth to my heart. Lastly I cherish each precious moment that I have each evening with my children getting ready for bed.
Thank you to all the first responders who risk their lives for strangers every day. Thank you to all the military who put their lives on the line to protect our freedom. We will never forget the 2,977 people who lost their lives on that horrible day. Living this life as a single mom raising 2 children to be the type of people I want them to be as adult isn't always easy. But every day is a new a fun adventure, and it's always a new adventure!

Worst Accronym Ever! (FML)

FML- F*** My life. THE WORST ACRONYM I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!! Right now someone some where is planning their mom's funeral. Some one some where has just buried their infant/child. Someone some where a husband is having to go home to their family and explain why they were laid off today. There's someone in the world who has no roof over their head... No food in their belly. But yet, so many people are Facebook saying FML. Over the tiniest little things. Ex: My car ran out of gas. FML. Or something like I failed my math class. FML. You know what, I wish there was some kind of magical button that I could push that when someone says FML over something so stupid that they suddenly feel the pain of someone some where else. Maybe a mom who is having to hold her still born baby and is going to say goodbye, before she even got to say hello. NO matter what you're going through, there is someone going through worse. I'm not saying it's not OK to be upset with what's going on in your life. But FML... I just hate that statement. I have been extremely blessed. I have not only a beautiful, smart, amazingly funny daughter. I also am blessed with an amazing, strong, healthy baby boy. Those 2 are my heart. My whole heart. With them everything is better. With out them, nothing would matter. I am also blessed with an amazing job. A job that I can wake up in the morning and say (without sarcasm) I'm looking forward to go to work today!!! I have a awesome boss. Who without a doubt is a person God deliberately put in my life to help me with my voyage as a single mom. She is not only my boss, but she's my friend. She's played therapist. Adoption counselor. Relationship advice giver. She's my "Dear Abby" that I have just right down the hall. Then there's my co-workers. I've been there 2 1/2 years, and as a teacher I made so many friends. With the other teachers and with the parents there. Now that I am in administration I feel like I have more friends. With my co-workers in the front office I feel like I have people I can talk to, confide in, ask advice from and more. There is nothing in my life that makes me feel like I should say FML. Maybe FMC (my car) or FMZ (my zits) and even once a month FMP (my period) LOL! My never EVER EVER F my life. I love my life and everyone in it. I love my job. My kids, my family. Everything! This Sunday is going to begin a new chapter in my life and I am so excited! I am going to begin taking my children to Crossroads Fellowship. I quit my job as a nursery worker at Asbury so I can take my kids somewhere with a stronger children's program. While I love all the people at Asbury, I also want to work on my relationship with Christ. I wanna be a better Christian so I can teach my kids how to be better Christians as well. I hope that Brooke enjoys the program there, I know that I will. Then as Bryson grows he'll get to learn about the love of God and how he sent his son to save us. Brooke and Bryson are truly my greatest blessings in life and I want them to understand who gives us our blessings. :) Well this blog kinda jumped around a bit! LOL I hope you realize that FML is just the wrong acronym to use when tomorrow is going to be a better day. <3 Life may not be easy as a single mom, but I'm having a blast!