Easier said than done.....

Ok, so to protect the identites of the people in this blog some names have been changed. LOL But if you know me, and are around me... you know who I'm talking about. My best friend "Mark" and I hadn't spoken in almost a year, and then 2 weeks ago we got in contact again. Well the past 2 weeks have been really amazing. We've been hanging out almost every day, it's almost like we're a couple again (we dated like 9 yrs ago lol) I know we're not actually together, but its still fun to spend time with him again. Brooke also loves him, she always has, and he loves the heck outa her!! Bryson doesn't seem to mind him too much either. Normally I don't let guys hang around my kids like that but with him its different. I love being around him, I love talking to him, I love most everything about him. He does have his flaws, and granted they are kinda big ones. But its ok, I love him for who he is, I always have and I probably always will. Anyway, the thing is, its so hard to be his friend sometimes because of the way I love him. He acts like he wants to be together but he's just not in a postion to do that. Plus I'm not 100% I'm ready for that either. But I am having a ton of fun being his friend. We've gone to rockin rodeo and danced the night away. We've gone to academy on a windy Sunday to pass the time. Gone to the park where he swang on the swing with Brooke. Today he fixed the a/c on my car and played with chalk outside with Brooke then we went to the mall and I don't know who I said settle down to more! Him or Brooke! LOL It's days like this what make me wonder what would've been if things had worked out with him in the begining. Would my 2 kids be his? Would his 2 kids be mine?  It also makes me think of David, it things had worked out with him would it be like this? Would he play too rough with Brooke after the baby went to sleep? Would he hold my son while I did the dishes and we laughed at the funny faces the baby makes?? It feels so right with "Mark" but it's not. We just get along well and he loves my babies. It could've been like this with David, or would it have been? What about Adrian? He was amazing with Brooke, always wanted kids. He loved playing with the kids outside around the neighborhood and seemed like one day he would make an amazing dad! Yet, now that he has a 9 month old son...I can count on one hand how many time he's seen him. I guess having Mark around has made me wonder what it'd be like if my babies had a Dad around. Its so amazing to watch him play with my kids, I can only imagine the joy it would bring my heart if it was their own dad and not someone elses. :( It makes me sad a little, but I know somewhere out there is a good man who will love me, and my children. He'll love them like his own and he's gonna treat us right. He's gonna be trustworthy and honest. Or maybe I'm delusional and it's just gonna be my kids and I for the rest of my life. :) I'm ok with that, because although it ain't alway easy.... it sure is fun!!