Can't believe I've been in Odessa 10 years!!!

Wow! It's hard to believe but today marks the 10th anniversary of the biggest decision I've ever made in my life. 10 years ago today I hit the road to the "big city" of Odessa  and came to live with my dad and my step mom. I can honestly say that it was the best decision of my life. I was having a really hard time in El Paso. I was bullied by the rich kids of the west side. I was made fun of by the cheerleaders. I just wasn't happy. My mom and I didn't get along. And neither did Tony and I. It was just time to move on and try life some where else. The past 10 years in Odessa have been nothing short of amazing! I've had so many wonderful friend, high school was everything I could have ever asked for, and of course my 2 beautiful babies! For 9 years I never once doubted my move. I've always believed it was the choice I could have ever made. Most days, I still feel that way. But I have to admit there are some days where I wonder... If i had stayed could I have helped/saved Tony? I know I was only 15, and it makes sense that I went for the option benefited me the most. I just can't help but wonder sometimes if I could've helped. But there's no going back and even if I could.... I don't think that I would. If I hadn't moved here I would've never met Jayson.. who although drug my heart through hell and back was one of the closest friends I ever had. He taught me so much, he helped me grow into the person I am today and I will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart for him... even if I want to keep him a memory and not a part of my future. I wouldn't have such an amazing relationship with my step mom Rhonda, she is without a doubt my best friend. I don't know how I could've gotten through life without her. There are so many other people I'm so grateful I've met through out these 10 years and I wouldn't trade it for the world. David, Adrian, Anna, Alexis, Melissa, Jayson, Russell, Lesli, TJ, Tammy, April, Ellie, Keesha,  and so many many many more. All the people I've met/dealt with in the past 10 years made me who I am today. Some made me stronger and wiser. Some made me bitter and more cautious. Two of them made me a mother. I am truly grateful God has led me down this path for the past years, no matter how painful it was at times. The past 8 months has honestly been the most painful, and some how at the same time the most amazing months of this journey. 8 months and 2 weeks ago Jessie and I took the next step in our friendship into a relationship. It has been a tough ride and we don't always get along and we kinda go back and forth more than I'd like to admit, but he is the love of my life. A week after we got together, about 8 months and a week ago Tony took his own life. I know that I have a lot of friends and an amazing family to support me through this. Even with that being said, I'm just not sure how I would've made it through these past 8 months with out Jessie by my side. He has been there for me at 1:00 AM when I have a bad dream. He's held me while I cried after just talking about what a  picky eater Tony was. He knows me inside and out and he knows what kind of support to offer and when. He knows when I can't talk about it and he knows when I need to. I doubt he'll admit to this, he constantly tells me he doesn't know how to help me through this. But that's the thing, just being in the same room with him makes me feel better. Seeing his smile and listening to his heart beat makes me a little calmer when I'm on the verge or in the middle of a sobfest. If I hadn't moved to Odessa, I wouldn't have Brooke, Bryson or Jessie and I just can't imagine my life without them. Even if Jessie and I don't stay together forever, I know that we'll at least be friends. I am so blessed to have found a guy like him. We may not always get along and we might not have the type of relationship others think we should but we are who we are and I know that in the end it's in God's hands and I take comfort in knowing that.


This blog kinda took a different direction than I meant for it to, but once I get typing and getting it off my chest sometimes I just can't stop. :)